Welcome to Sartorial Sursday here on Another Flavor! Every Sursday we discuss the general appearance of a person in a music video. Today we’ll be looking at a man with a style so unique, so radical, that you could plotz. And you should. Look at this:

Specifically, look at this man:

I think we can all agree this is awesome. He is wearing a tight, stretchy, black tank top. This is over tight, stretchy, blue pants. Since all of his clothes are tight and stretchy, the clothing was a little too racy. You probably wouldn’t be able to pay attention to the song because you’d be staring at his crotch. He cleverly avoids that be wearing a bright red, shiny cod piece. Now we don’t even notice his crotch!

Why is he sitting like that? Is he on a throne? Is that the most comfortable he can be given the skin tight clothing an inflexible cod piece? Is he not actually sitting but crouching weirdly with his arms out? It’s basically the coolest way to sit, in my opinion.

I also love his mustache. It gives him a serious look, like he is always frowning.

Finally, his hair. There was a period where this hairstyle was called a cameo cut because of this man. It is now usually called a hi-top fade. It is a highly practical hairstyle for the modern world. In the past, if you wanted to have an outrageous hairstyle, you might go with something like this:

Now, though, this hairstyle simply takes up too much space. The world’s population is always growing, yet the amount of land remains the same. In Japan, which is famously crowded, apartments are getting smaller and smaller to accommodate the number of people. The typical Japanese family needs to raise their arms over their heads in order to fit into their homes. There’s just no room to build anywhere but up. This means that your hair, no matter how ridiculous, cannot extend past your shoulders. This is really limiting!

Hairstyles need to adjust. The singer of Cameo hinted at what is possible in this area. Some later achievements include this person from Desireless:

And the House Party series.

This is hair that really stands out, but still allows you to live in a three foot by three foot closet. Someday we’ll all be living like that, sleeping standing up on top of our possessions. We’ll be glad to still have good hairstyle options. Thank you, Cameo, for teaching us how to have ridiculous hair for the future.

-PTD

Welcome to Twosday on Another Flavor! Today’s topic is nerds.

Revenge of the Nerds always gets me. NERDS!

Anyways, today we will be talking about two songs that feature nerds. One has a bunch of turntable scratching and the other one is a rap song. As we learned from Revenge of the Nerds, almost everyone feels like a nerd. That means nerds instantly get our sympathy. We feel like outsiders. But are we really? Look at just how cartoon-ish movie nerds really are.

I Wish by Skee-Lo:

This video is about a man who wishes things were different. Why? Because he can’t get a date and is short. Also he is only able to have sons as children and he wishes he had a girl. If he did, he would call her:

Gotta love the constant “calling” hand gestures.

Anyways, this video is very physical. Skee-Lo feels tiny in a world filled with tall, good looking men. This makes him insecure. He can’t play basketball with them, but he keeps trying. I mean, look at him!

He’s like a tiny baby. How can he be so small? He has small hands and feet. I imagine his features are small as well.

His clothes don’t even fit. Apparently they don’t make clothes that fit such tinily proportioned people.

And he is a little dandy who can’t even see over the top of a table.

So, the video spends a lot of time emphasizing his smallness. He is much smaller than practically anyone really is. So why does he try to play basketball at all? He doesn’t need to. He could get involved in other pursuits, but he wants to play basketball just like the cool guys. This makes him feel like a loser. I think that is what makes him a loser. Trying to fit in even when he really doesn’t. Just relax, dude! Don’t try so hard!

Our other nerd video is Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus:

This video is a movie tie-in for Loser, which was a non- American-Pie-based Jason Biggs vehicle. I have never seen it but it seems to be in the same vein as Revenge of the Nerds except it is beloved by no one and hopefully doesn’t feature a main character raping a woman and having no consequences.

Yikes, Revenge of the Nerds.

The opens with what we in the biz call a “framing device”.

These keep your paintings protected and allow you to hang them on your wall. In this case Jason Biggs falls asleep and finds himself… in high school!

He rides a bike because only losers ride bikes. Real adults always drive cars [right into a Dunkin Donuts](http://www.nj.com/jjournal- news/index.ssf/2012/08/5_injured_after_car_crashes_in.html).

So why is this character a loser? It is a little less clear. Random dudes just come up to him and make that L sign at him.

Do people actually do that? This seems very unrealistic.

He gets knocked down.

And, in case you haven’t gotten the gist, sits in front of a sign that says “Loser”.

I don’t care about this guy, though. I don’t care about movie tie-in shit. Just like the Skee-Lo video, I want to see what the singer is all about. The singer of Wheatus is this man, whose name is (as far as I can tell) Jose Feliciano Wheatus:

This man is far nerdier than Jason Biggs could ever be. Look at how hard he is trying! That hat! That hat was cool for about 2 days in 1999 due to the New Radicals and his combination hipster glasses/sunglasses don’t manage to hit either the right nerdy or cool notes. It’s sad really.

Later, he is dressed like this:

Is that a track suit? And still with that hat. This man is a super nerd. Just like with Skee-Lo, the thing that makes him a loser is trying to fit in with the cools.

I’ll go ahead and say that he was being a nerd on purpose for this video. I guess he would have to be a nerd to write this song. He listens to Iron Maiden! What a totally obscure band only loved by nerds! I’m sure Iron Maiden lost money on all of their 37 albums, mostly released on major labels, because no one except losers listen to them.

That is wrong (I was using a literary technique called sarcasm because I am a dick). While Iron Maiden is terrible, tons of people like them! I’d say about half of the people you meet like Iron Maiden. Does that mean that 50% of people are nerds? I guess. That’s sort of the whole point. Everyone is a nerd. That’s why Ogre joins the nerds in Revenge of the Nerds 2. It’s just that almost no one is a nerd like the guys in these videos. These guys are, like, super nerds. To the max.

Due to the holiday I will not be posting tomorrow, but I’ll be back for Sartorial Sursday!

-PTD

“Be prepared” is the Boy Scout motto. What should we be prepared for, though? That is never made clear. To most it means carrying an umbrella and a warm hat, just in case. But having an umbrella and a hat doesn’t prepare us for a car crashing through the front of our house or every power line in the city falling down and catching fire.

If we could see the future, we would know exactly what to be prepared for.

Unfortunately, we can’t do that. We can just do this:

For anything. Zombie attack? Gravity reversal? A sudden outbreak of violent sneezing? There must be contingencies for all of these.

What would this hyper-preparedness look like? One brave Chicago band, Cmn ineed yr hlp, asks just this.

It is the grass that gets trampled by Cmn ineed yr help:

So, what do we need to be ready in case the worst happens? First of all, we will need to know math to one day rebuild computers and recreate our scientific knowledge. As a result, listening to math rock is really important. It heightens your brain powers so you can more effectively add the numbers together to get sums or even occasionally products. I’m not sure how math rock-y a song in 6/8 really is, but I get that feel from them. Great. We’re well on our way.

So what should we do around the house to be maximally prepared? Let’s ask this man:

He has quite an intrepid look while still seeming amazingly stupid. Awesome.

To start, regular bricks are not enough. Build a second wall next to your current wall using gigantic bricks.

This will prevent small-brick-based attacks.

Make sure to have a radio that takes two different sizes of batteries.

This way, if one size of battery suddenly fails everywhere around the world, you can still listen to Prairie Home Companion.

Keep animals around the house.

They can be eaten or ridden, as appropriate.

Keep a large number of cans of food nearby. Make sure you do not organize them, though, to keep yourself on your toes.

During certain types of emergencies it is easy to become confused. Make sure you label everything in case you forget what it is.

Just preparing your house isn’t enough, though. You must also prepare your body.

First, practice collecting your urine and pretending that it is potable water.

You never know, right?

Then, practice shitting into a paper bag, putting it into a barrel, and burning it.

Frequently, teens are drawn to barrels labelled “Danger: Burning Shit” so it is best to fool them by claiming it is “Radio Active Waste”.

Finally, you must not neglect your mind. Some say that mental preparation is most important. I don’t, but some do.

First, spend several hours a day staring at yourself in a mirror.

This way, if you are blinded in an explosion or a chemical accident you will be able to describe your face to others who have also been blinded.

Also, it is important to make it seem like you can read. Do not do this:

In case you can’t see, he is reading a “Picture Story.. American History.” Everyone will naturally assume you are an idiot if you look at picture books.

Instead, spend a few minutes a day holding a book with words in front of your face.

This makes you seem much smarter.

Finally, it is impossible to think of everything. Regularly peer into your neighbor’s window to see if they are preparing for something you are not.

This is how you can be prepared!

I really like this video. I think it was made pretty cheap, by taking an old video from here:

And then matching it to the music. They really do a good job matching the mood and rhythm of the song with the images you see. The song frequently alternates between a loud rocking bit and more gentle music and they alternate between the calmer (if insane) images I showed above and things like the guy falling down the stairs.

It can be difficult to make a video for an instrumental song. Cmn ineed yr help decide to heighten the feeling of each section of the song with the weird puppet guy. I feel like we get to look inside his head. Cool.

Join me tomorrow for Two Times Tuesday where we look at some nerds.

-PTD