Sometimes I wonder what it must be like for music video directors. You are dealing with creative elements in the band while having your own vision for the video. Everything must be a compromise. Here’s what I imagine the conversation went like for the video for Nobody’s Fool by Cinderella:

The Band (in unison):
We are called Cinderella. What if we do a midnight transformation?

Director:
That sounds great. Maybe at midnight the band could transform into regular people instead of huge-haired scarf wearers.

The Band (in unison):
We would prefer sexy women to transform. Have a sexy woman run home and go to bed. And add a scene where a bunch of sexy women want to get with us, but we’re all, like, no way.

Director:
You want the video to be about a woman who runs home and goes to bed? That sounds terrible and boring. What about…

The Band (unison):
LALALALALALALA. We can’t hear you!

Director:
Fine, let’s get this piece shit over with.

Check it out:

Wow.

The video opens with a very significant scene before the music starts. There are two women.

These women look ridiculous. So they change.

They have clocks on their heads and now that they removed their glasses boys will make passes at them. Or will they?

Looks like we’ll have to wait to find out. The two women drive to some sort of private concert. The band playing is Cinderella and they arrive with some women.

Notice how the singer’s lips are pursed for no reason. That is awesome.

The women sit down and the band begins to play.

This song is a ballad. Naturally, the band went with a neon background. It represents sensitivity and feelings.

The woman the singer arrived with glances at the clock.

Tip: If your boyfriend invites you to see his band play, constantly look at the clock. Also, check your watch a lot. He’ll love it! It shows that you hope there’s a bunch of time left for them to play. Not rude at all.

Oh nooooooo! It’s almost midnight!

She is shaken. She stands to leave.

Tip: The only thing less rude than constantly checking the time is leaving during the first half of the first song.

She runs away.

Run for it!

She arrives at a house. Is it her house? The tension builds.

It is her house! Or at least a house where she is comfortable lying on the bed.

I bet you thought this video couldn’t possibly get more exciting. I mean, the woman already left a concert and ran to a house and fell asleep. What more could you want?

What’s happening?!?!?

WHAAAAAT?

Ok, so she puts her arms out, Jesus-like. Then she is changed from revealing black clothing to loose-fitting virginal white. Also, her hair is less ridiculous. No wonder she ran home. The singer from Cinderella would definitely leave her if he knew she wasn’t really a tough, slutty, rockin’ babe.

The band finishes the song and leaves the venue. Those clock-headed ladies try to get with them, but they’re all, like, no way!

Thank god we were introduced to those women at the beginning of the video. Otherwise none of this would make any sense.

The singer is signing some autographs and signs one for a woman with normal hair in loose-fitting, virginally white clothing. Wait, why did the woman run home if she didn’t mind being seen like that? She could have just stayed at the show and changed there. Or is the bed necessary for the change? Would she have been stuck in her black, revealing clothing as a tough, slutty, rockin’ babe if she didn’t make it home? I have more questions than answers.

The singer is very interested in this woman, despite her plain appearance. He seems to not recognize her, even though he walked to the concert with her. Does he not recognize women’s faces? Did he never look at her in the face before? I’m not sure what to think.

All I know is that he is extremely sexist.

-PTD

Important note: I will be away from blogging after today until Tuesday, October 29. I will resume the blog on that date.

When shooting a music video it is important to be organized. You must plan each shot carefully. Let’s take a look at this plan for the music video for Give It Away by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Working backwards from the video, I was able to create the director’s list of shots along with his notes. These appear below.

1. Since the song is about sex and having it, make sure to get some crotch shots.

Director’s note: Just had an amazing idea. What if I use a guitar to represent a penis? (I think I might be a genius!)

2. Mouths are sexy. Do mouth close ups.

Director’s note: Brightly color lipstick? Probably too subtle. Better go for sparkly lipstick.

3. Horns. Horns on heads.

Horns on pants.

4. Fill in the rest with frolicking in a field.

Possibly a little rollicking?

Ok, it’s PTD again. Don’t worry, old daddy’s back.

I’m not sure why a video that is mostly frolicking is so good. Maybe it is the silvery-ness of everything? Is it the spiral hair and make-up?

There are some great ideas. There’s the backward footage to go with the backward guitar solo.

Still photographs can’t portray it, but this picture is backwards. The next thing the guy in the picture does is actually the thing he did right before the picture.

There’s also this sweet idea:

Why isn’t everything surrounded with spirit fingers? I think the world would be a better place. People would be happier. There’d be a lot more spirit.

I think the key to the video, though, is that it looks like the band is genuinely having fun. I’d like to spend time with these people. When you listen to the song you are having an instant party. The video reinforces that idea. It’s like there’s party in a field, and Red Hot Chili Peppers are invited.

-PTD

Some decisions we make change our lives irrevocably. Whether it’s deciding if you should get married, how many children to have, which conditioner to use, or the conditions of your suicide pact, these decisions define our lives. Sometimes we wish we could change our choice. But we can’t. Sometimes we’re just lozin’ must.

Lozin’ Must by Millencolin:

It just occurred to me that not everyone would know what the title of this song means. Most people assume that, just because Millencolin is a Swedish band, the name is confusing Swenglish. NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Now that I’ve explained what “Lozin’ Must” means, let’s discuss the band’s name. Millencolin sounds vaguely like the word melancholy. According to Wikipedia (frequently thought of as the number one source for Millencolin trivia), that is where the name comes from. Obviously this is only part of the truth. Mille is Latin for “thousand”. Colin is Colin Firth’s firsth name. Imagine one thousand Colin Firth’s. Now close your eyes and imagine them all saying nice things about you. Mmmm. I could just melt.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Decisions that change our lives (look back at the top of the post if you’ve forgotten). What if there was a meteor?

Ok, there’s a meteor. What if that meteor fell near your home? Wait, is that a comet? What’s the difference between a meteor and a comet? Sometimes I like to not use the internet to look up the answers to questions. That way I can try to argue about why I’m right.

Tip: Don’t touch something that just fell from space. The singer did not listen to this advice. The meteor explodes.

Miraculously unexploded, the singer discovers that he has a bit of a problem.

He is getting a tree for a face. He is a treeface. Now he is truly lozin’ must.

He scrambles to the ground to try to find a solution in his shag carpeting.

There’s a man there!

What happens next is one of my favorite music video moments of all time.

Why is there a fish swimming through the carpet? I love this stop-motion fish. That fish is truly lozin’ must.

The singer gets pretty down at this point. He has a tree face and is a treeface. But maybe he can still live a long and full life. There must be someone out there who can love a skeezily bemustached treeface.

That is the saddest smile ever captured on Swedish punk rock video.

Having given up on ever living a normal life, he decides to become a monster. Luckily, all treefaces can shoot lasers out of their eyes. He destroys a plant.

He destroys his cereal, which is hilariously called Hockey Score.

He moves on to advanced techniques such as the over-the-shoulder laser shot.

His transformation to monster complete, the story ends.

Besides the main story line, there are a lot of good live-without-an-audience shots.

That guitar player back there has such stupid hair. I almost can’t stand it. There’s also the other guitar player who is wearing a baseball hat for some reason.

Not pictured: this guy’s stupid hat.

Also, there is the drummer who was voted the least dynamic drummer of the year every year from 1993 to 2013.

That’s a 20 year streak. That’d be impressive if the drummer’s constant goal wasn’t to be completely unimpressive.

There’s also a lot of fun animation.

I love the Millencolin sign. Also, all of the windows open out to animations.

You may also notice that the band is playing in a room and someone left the door to the bathroom wide open. That’s how things are in Sweden.

This video is such good fun. It can also be serious, though. During the bridge, when the chords get minor, everyone is feeling really introspective.

Having the singer with that mustache in that make-up singing about how it’s been a tough time for him this past year is just wonderful.

Millencolin - don’t let them stop you from just being you.

-PTD