Since starting this blog I’ve learned a few things:

1. Numbered lists are extremely useful.
2. If you use metaphors in your writing, you make a met out of ap and hors.
3. A lot of music videos use dreams or dream-like imagery.

This video, “Everlong” by Foo Fighters, is all about dreams.

At the start we are introduced to this couple:

Aren’t they wholesome looking? This is like an asleep American Gothic except the man’s and woman’s positions are reversed, the woman appears to be taller than the man, and the woman is a man in a wig.

Each of them is dreaming a separate dream, that just happen to have the same characters. In the man’s dream, he returns to his youth as a punk:

Based on his buttons (specifically the one with the skull and crossbones on it) he is a total mess. He’s using an old fashioned water-closet-type toilet, but he is not alone. He is being menaced by some goons who seem to have followed him into the bathroom.

These are some grade-A goons! They both have 1950’s juvenile delinquent hair and are wearing ridiculous clothing. Why do white people look back on the 1950’s as a golden era? It was clearly the golden age of the juvenile delinquent! Yes, it was a golden age, but that’s like longing for the ‘80’s because it was the golden age of the crack epidemic. Back in the ‘50’s every time you turned around a couple of swarthy, hirsute hoodlums would leer at you from underneath their duck’s ass haircuts. Terrifying.

The goons are causing more trouble than just exposing the man to their horrifying visages, however. They start manhandling the woman.

Manhandlers! Note: manhandle is such a great word. It’s like one of those German words that is just a bunch of nouns bundled together describing exactly what the word means. Manhandle: to handle in the manner of a man.

This manhandling infuriates the man and he decides to show those goons just what kind of hand a real man has to handle other men who need to be handled in a manly fashion.

He then proceeds to beat the living shit out of them with his enormous hand.

They are beaten soundly. Onlookers, who were apparently not at all bothered by the goon-powered manhandling, are shocked by this real-man-powered giant hand manHANDling.

Having thus defeated the goons, we can move to the woman’s dream.

She is sitting in a cabin in the woods (just like the popular Joss Whedon movie, Serenity) reading a book. She is concerned, though, because the man is outside in the dark collecting wood.

OH SHIT! THE GOONS ARE HERE TOO!

Being a woman, she does not decide to grow a giant hand and beat her attackers until their bodies are limp. She is completely helpless except for her ability to use the phone. Women! Am I right?

She doesn’t take the time to think that since the man is outside collecting wood, he would be unable to answer a phone call. But wait! She is actually calling him in real life from inside the dream!

Instantly realizing that the woman would in no way be able to protect herself and unable to wake her, the man decides to try and enter her dream world.

At first he enters into every man’s dream reality, fondling (manhandling?) a group of women.

But didn’t he come to the dream world for some reason? That’s right! He has to rescue the woman!

He steels his resolve and enters the cabin wielding two logs chained together like nunchuks.

He finds the goons tying up the woman. Apparently they didn’t really have a great plan for what to do if they were successful in menacing her.

Now, despite the fact that the man marched into the cabin with the nunchuck logs, and that he spent time swinging them around in a menacing manner, he drops the logs and goes with plan A: a giant hand.

Meanwhile, the woman shows that she wasn’t so helpless after all. She can defend herself, but only when using a woman’s tool.

The couple successfully defeat the goons. Oh no! The goons are in the couple’s bedroom watching them sleep!

Everyone sheds their costumes. Check out this delightful sequence:

The fact that he pulls back his shirt to reveal his real arms underneath his fake arms is absolutely amazing.

Then, the band rocks out.

There are a lot of things to like about this video. I love that all the members of the band have major parts in the plot. Why not have half the band act as antagonists and the other half as protagonists? It’s such a good idea! More videos should use that. I also love that there are funny parts without being a joke-y video.

One thing I don’t love is the way lip syncing is handled in the video. The singer sings a few lines, seemingly at random, throughout the dream part of the video. This bothers me much like it did in Lorde’s video for “Royals” because I don’t understand the decision to sing some lines and not others. I feel like if they waited until everyone changed out of their costumes and started playing their instruments to start lip syncing it would make a lot more sense.

That isn’t too important, though. This video is so much fun and I love it.

-PTD

I believe it was Voltaire who said, “Referring to a poet or playwright doesn’t make you insightful.” But he didn’t really speak English very well so he might not have known what he was saying. Also, it was the bard who said, “I hope to become the modern-day Robert Frost.” But that’s neither here nor there.

Crash Test Dummies hope to appear deep by referring to, but not in any way interpreting, the works of T. S. Eliot in this music video:

I really like this song. It seems like history has not looked fondly on Crash Test Dummies because the best quality version of this on YouTube looks like someone transferred a VHS tape of the video to their desktop computer running Windows 3.1 and then uploaded it. Regardless, I remember them fondly. This video, though, does them no favors.

Even the people making the video are baffled:

Here’s a pro tip: If you need to label something that is happening on the screen because otherwise people won’t understand what the hell is going on, you maybe should re-shoot that scene. Here’s the scene in question:

The doctors hold up a plastic bag that apparently holds something. We have no idea what, oh wait! It is a catheter!

Then, they put the catheter inside the lead singer’s penis. Putting things in a man’s penis is hilarious because it’s like he’s a woman.

That is some fascinating video making. Exciting visual.

The video is a little too on the nose, too. I [wrote before](/posts/ant-music- perfect-ad/) about the danger of being too literal in a music video. This song is about a man who is growing old and there are many changes. He wants to make sure that he is healthy by getting every part of his body checked out by doctors. Ultimately, he sees that his life is ending bit by bit and that death is unavoidable. And T. S. Eliot.

So how does the music video portray this? It shows a man going to the hospital…

…while death hangs around waiting for him to be dead so he can death him to death.

The video really adds a whole new element to the song, there.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t think the video does anything right, though. First of all, it shows off the singer’s totally groovy fashion sense:

A t-shirt and a vest? I don’t know if this was cool in the early ’90s or what, but I absolutely love it. It is impractical and would seem extremely stupid if worn by someone less confident. I think that is the definition of cool.

Also, the video does a great job of showing off the members of the band.

You have the flashy harmonica player?!?

The blonde keyboard player who is also a woman:

The laughably clean-cut long haired bass player:

This is great! Each person has his own little personality that you can remember. The bald drummer doesn’t get as many good shots as the other members, but I was able to establish that his personality consists of baldness.

Also, I don’t have any clear memories of the early ’90s, but were other bands like this? Or is it just because they are Canadian and so exist in a whole ‘nother universe? This band is so squeaky clean looking! I imagine that all the members went to music school where they became very proficient with their instruments but never learned about sex appeal. Especially the bass player. He makes me wonder if there is a whiter bread than Wonder Bread.

I guess it doesn’t matter. If people want to rebel, punk rock was coming back around that time anyway. I’ll just keep grooving to the non-threatening good times.

-PTD

So many adults long to be children again. They think of the carefree times prancing through a field, picking berries, and cruelly torturing insects by removing their limbs and then focusing the sun’s rays through a magnifying glass onto their torsos. Just me?

Children, on the other hand, long to be adults. They imagine staying up all night eating ice cream while watching movies filled literally to the brim with swears. If they were adults they would do whatever they want whenever they want and no one would be able to tell them otherwise.

These are both fantasies, though. Being a kid and being an adult are nothing like that. Adults can’t do whatever they want and kids have plenty of worries. What if they were able to live those fantasies out, though? It would look like this:

Remember [when I mentioned how funny it is when kids swear](/posts/excitement- mismatch-with-jet-and-vines/)? Well, that’s what this whole music video is about and it is as cute as a button on a tiny kitty.

But we’re not interested in the extremely cute. We are way too erudite to spend our time shouting, “Who’s a cat? You are! You are!” at our pets and singing to babies. Let’s get down to Analysis Town.

In this video we have two different groups. First we have the band (not The Band):

Here you can see a member of the band pretending to play a guitar.

Then, there are the kids (not Kidz Bop):

This little girl just loves giving the finger. Remember when you thought that was rebellious? You were probably just as tiny as she is.

We begin our story in media res with the children having lived as adults for quite some time. Having spent their time doing exactly what they want they are left as empty husks who find no pleasure in anything.

See how they can’t even enjoy the band rocking out:

Those are some grim looking kids.

Eventually, they engage in self mutilation, just so they can feel something:

Non-scholarly note #1: This is the second cutest thing in the video. Those little blonde kids!

There’s even more self mutilation. The music video really wanted to slam this one home:

I think cutting out your own guts should be the new universal symbol for ennui.

Side note: I love the special effects here! We all understand that the kid is not really cutting out his guts in real life (also, the Easter Bunny was made up by your parents to keep you in line!), so why not just show a hand pushing the guts out through the fake belly? I’ve never been particularly bothered by obviously fake special effects. Fake-looking effects prevent you from replacing storytelling with effects, which I have no problem with.

The band, meanwhile, is desperately trying to be carefree and fun. They are flailing around:

The lead singer keeps pulling her skirt up much like my two-year-old niece was wont to do:

And they engage in make believe:

Non-scholarly note #2: This is by far the cutest thing in the video. SO CUTE! My heart’s exploding it’s so cute.

Back to the analysis: It’s sad how hard both of these groups are trying. Ultimately, though, it isn’t working and they aren’t happy with their new lifestyles.

The kids try to wring joy from a broken car…

…while the band pretends to enjoy Sesame Street.

This actually perfectly matches the tone of the song. Ideally the visuals of a music video will complement what you hear, but it is often hard to do. Here we have a song in a major key that is uptempo but there is a sadness to it. I always associate this song with “Passing Complexion” by Big Black which has the sadness down perfectly but “Y Control” adds a little bit of danciness. The almost forced revelry really sticks with you. Good job, little buddies. Good job.

I don’t want to end on that weird, congratulatory note, so I’ll just say this: Fun with a dog corpse.

-PTD