I’ve been on a plane recently (check out [Twosday’s post](/posts/twosday-dont- call-me-shirley-airplanes/) for more info!) and that of course means being in airports. While in Midway airport in Chicago I noticed that there are stores that sell books and magazines approximately every 20 feet. There are a few different chains, but sometimes two identically branded stores will be a two minute walk from each other. Are people in airports unwilling to walk more than 10 feet to buy a copy of Men’s Health? Do they then return to their seat at the gate, rest the magazine on their gut, and proceed to read it while gasping for air? I don’t understand it.

The thing that confounds me is that I always assume that businesses are logical. I believe that if they are doing something it means it makes good economic sense. So it apparently makes good economic sense to make sure that every other store in an airport sells J.K. Rowling’s non-Harry Potter novel and the three most recent Dean Koontz books that came out this month. I have no idea why this is. I just don’t understand economics. Or is economics even the right word? Should it be merchandising? Or store-craft? Or scrimshaw- dawdling? I don’t even know enough about it to know the right word!

Here’s another example: The hotel at which my work is having a conference is located in Florida and looks like this:

Don’t get too jealous, it was 40 degrees here when I took this picture.

So how does it make sense to fly people from all over the country to what looks like an outrageously expensive resort to have a day and a half of meetings that could easily be done using the internet? It can’t really just be that management wants to take their families to Disney for free, can it? I refuse to accept that explanation even though it is obviously true. It must make good financial sense to spend a ton of money on plane tickets and hotels so we can spend time wildly applauding at the slightest provocation.

All of this ridiculousness got me thinking about economics and money in general. Have you noticed that some people have money and others don’t? I have. Thanks to the extreme cold, Chicago probably has a few less of the people who don’t have money, but I’m not talking about the truly poor. No one ever talks about them. I’m talking about the regular people versus the super rich. Everyone thinks they are a regular person, no matter how fantastically wealthy, and I am no exception. We always look at those who have a little bit more and wish we were like them. One thing that is immediately noticeable about those above us is clothing.

Anyone can wear nice clothing. But the thing that separates the truly rich (I guess more than rich I mean high class) is that they are very comfortable in the kind of clothing that leaves us regos constantly tugging at our collars. The ultimate high class outfit is the tuxedo, or, as the high class would say, black tie.

Let’s look at a man dressed to the nines, Taco in Puttin’ on the Ritz:

Please ignore the black face. Taco is from Germany and it’s still cool to casually walk around like that there. If you have an issue, take it up with Deutschland.

Contrary to popular belief, Taco did not write this song. It was actually written by Taco’s younger brother, Irving Berlin, who was a child of the eighties. The eighteen eighties! Ha! Heyo!

The song is about lovable German citizens in black face who dress really nicely despite their poverty. The appearance of class is more important to them than trying to actually achieve that status. So how does Taco dress for this video? Let’s take a look:

Why are we looking at his appearance? Because it’s Sartorial Sursday! Every Sursday Another Flavor looks at a person in a music video and discusses their clothing and general appearance.

So here we see Taco is a tuxedo. His coat has tails and his bow tie is white. He is also wearing white gloves. At first glance it might appear that he is dressed quite nicely, but he is really dressed more like a waiter than a rich person. He is too put together to be an upper class person. Also, the pancake face make-up doesn’t really fit, not to mention the lightsaber. Jedis are more comfortable in robes.

So what is Taco saying? Is it that he just doesn’t know how to dress? No, I think he is saying something mean spirited about those enthusiastic German citizens. I think he is saying that they are fools to spend their meager means on expensive clothing. I disagree. I just think Taco doesn’t understand the economics of it in the same way I don’t understand selling newspapers in an airport or going to Florida.

Dressing nice can frequently lead to a better lot in life. Have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want?” Don’t you just want to punch those people in the face? But that is exactly what the people Taco is singing about are doing. There is nothing wrong with it so there is no need to be snarky. I don’t see what business someone named Taco has being snarky anyway.

I’ll see you tomorrow with an exciting rendition of Free-for-all Friday!

-PTD

Welcome to Sartorial Sursday here on Another Flavor! Every Sursday we discuss the general appearance of a person in a music video. Today we’ll be looking at a man with a style so unique, so radical, that you could plotz. And you should. Look at this:

Specifically, look at this man:

I think we can all agree this is awesome. He is wearing a tight, stretchy, black tank top. This is over tight, stretchy, blue pants. Since all of his clothes are tight and stretchy, the clothing was a little too racy. You probably wouldn’t be able to pay attention to the song because you’d be staring at his crotch. He cleverly avoids that be wearing a bright red, shiny cod piece. Now we don’t even notice his crotch!

Why is he sitting like that? Is he on a throne? Is that the most comfortable he can be given the skin tight clothing an inflexible cod piece? Is he not actually sitting but crouching weirdly with his arms out? It’s basically the coolest way to sit, in my opinion.

I also love his mustache. It gives him a serious look, like he is always frowning.

Finally, his hair. There was a period where this hairstyle was called a cameo cut because of this man. It is now usually called a hi-top fade. It is a highly practical hairstyle for the modern world. In the past, if you wanted to have an outrageous hairstyle, you might go with something like this:

Now, though, this hairstyle simply takes up too much space. The world’s population is always growing, yet the amount of land remains the same. In Japan, which is famously crowded, apartments are getting smaller and smaller to accommodate the number of people. The typical Japanese family needs to raise their arms over their heads in order to fit into their homes. There’s just no room to build anywhere but up. This means that your hair, no matter how ridiculous, cannot extend past your shoulders. This is really limiting!

Hairstyles need to adjust. The singer of Cameo hinted at what is possible in this area. Some later achievements include this person from Desireless:

And the House Party series.

This is hair that really stands out, but still allows you to live in a three foot by three foot closet. Someday we’ll all be living like that, sleeping standing up on top of our possessions. We’ll be glad to still have good hairstyle options. Thank you, Cameo, for teaching us how to have ridiculous hair for the future.

-PTD

It has been pointed out to me (remember, aspiring writers: passive voice makes you sound super smart [I mean: You are made to sound super smart by passive voice]) that my recently introduced feature, Sartorial Sursday, has not been effectively living up to its name. First off, Sursday isn’t “technically” a day of the week. Secondly, satorial means “of or having to do with tailoring,” (I’d like to cite my source, my 8th grade vocabulary book, but I have no idea what it was called. Let’s go with Vocab Up Your Ass.) but I have not really discussed the cut of clothing or the quality of the stitching in my posts.

I’d like to address these criticisms head on. I believe it was Gandhi who said, “I’d love to convince you that I am right with words, but it is generally easier to hunger strike.” Truer words have never ( ever! ) been spoken, but I get headaches when I am hungry so I’ll try to explain myself using English words typed on a computer and transferred, through world-wide- web-related magic, to your computer screen to be read using your eye-grapes.

Point number 1: The existence of “Sursday” as a day of the week. Now, if you look at most of the calendars “the man” wants you to use, you will not find Sursday listed. I did not invent it, though. I stole it from the musician Peacey P whose album perpetually “drops next Sursdai.” Once two people use an English word it instantly becomes legit and we can expect to see it in the next edition of the Oxford English dictionary which I believe will drop next Sursday.

Point number the second: Actually writing about tailoring. This is difficult for me because I don’t know anything about tailoring. I know that Motel Kamzoil was a tailor and that the emperor isn’t wearing clothes but that barely makes me expert enough to write an article for about.com. I will endeavor to do my best, though, by writing about a music video that is about tailoring.

Does such a thing exist, you ask? Sort of. Losing You by Solange:

Specifically take a look at this:

See! The video takes place at a tailoring shop. This post is decidedly on topic! Yes! I’m finally doing it!

Now, on to the history of the saxophone. The saxophone was invented in 1840 by Adolphe Phone. He also famously invented the other instruments in the phone family, the sousaphone and the xylophone. The saxophone, commonly associated with the homeless and filthy, was legitimized in 1992 when Bill Clinton became the first person to play saxophone while wearing a suit. Many people took note of it and started dressing better, frequently wearing tailored clothing. (More details can be found in the Norton Anthology of Saxophone Histories, volumes 1

• 4, and 6. DO NOT read volume 5.)

Eventually Solange discovered this and made a music video while wearing a suit and was joined by a bunch of dudes in suits.

Okay, I think we are back on track. Tailoring. I’m not super interested in the outfit shown here, although it is quite Christmas-y. (Yes, I am fighting the war on Holiday. Have a great Christmas this January 1, January 20, and July 4. It is offensive to call those days Holidays. They are Christmas.)

Whoops, almost got lost again. Tailoring! Look at this:

Try to ignore those two nattily dressed gentlemen. Look at Solange. First of all, long sleeves and shorts are usually a misteak. I mean, mistake. I don’t even think you can call those shorts because they don’t have any leg sections. I think it would be more appropriate to call them “parts coverers”. Also, those are some high waisted parts coverers! I did some research and discovered that Solange is a mother so those must be the parts coverer equivalent of mom jeans. Crazy.

Next, look at this:

It is vital to match your outfit to the wallpaper, even if the wallpaper is made out of magazine covers. Solange is clashing here and that is a major faux pas.

Next week we’ll see if I can include a little tailoring again on Sartorial Sursday. In the meantime, look forward to an exciting edition of Free-for-all Friday tomorrow.

-PTD