I like to give artists the benefit of the doubt. This means that I assume that if something happens in a music video it is for a reason. I’m sure bands will frequently just put a bunch of crap in a video that they think is cool or funny or whatever. I try to ignore that, though, as an aspiring New Critic (note: if you are ever saying “New Criticism” out loud you have to specify the capital n and c immediately afterwards for maximum-pedantic-asshole effect) and do my best to find meaning in everything. Sometimes it is hard, though.

The Universal by Blur:

This video is filled with implied significance. There are golf ball shaped speakers.

Blur is sitting in a bar that is an homage to the bar in Clockwork Orange. The singer even has one fake eyelash.

See how the wall behind them looks like the outside of the speaker? That must mean something. Maybe the band is inside the speaker? Maybe the speaker lulls you into a magical world of Clockwork Orange bars?

The band certainly does not seem excited about being the entertainment.

The bass player is leaning against the wall and the guitar player isn’t even standing up.

The singer seems happy, but not animated.

Suddenly he springs into action.

What does all of this mean? Was the band transported into the speaker or are they a part of it? The speaker stands there: monolithic and mysterious. The band seems to be monolithic and mysterious, too. They are powerful, but slow to move. They are also in all white just like the bar. I think that they are part of the speaker and must provide entertainment.to those sucked in.

Who are these people they must entertain? There is a group of be-suited and -bowtied men around a single woman.

There is a man with a priest.

There are two people having this hilarious exchange:

There’s a man kissing two red women.

There’s two old people who might be identical twins wearing red goggles.

This is what the world looks like to them.

Here we get a shot of people outside the speaker, including one of the red- begoggled twins.

This supports our theory that people are pulled mentally into the speaker, but the space inside the speaker is more theoretical than consisting of tiny people. This is good.

Things start to get weird as the priest and the other guy get drunk. The priest whispers something to the other guy.

The other guy is shocked while the priest laughs.

The singer reveals that, as a British celebrity, he can have bad teeth.

And then the priest kisses the other guy on the mouth.

So… since the video doesn’t really make sense I assume that the interaction between the priest and the other guy is the key to the whole thing. What does it mean?

Honestly, I don’t think it means anything. Everything seems like it means something, but ultimately it doesn’t. There’s the hint of something bigger but no substance. Ultimately, it’s just a collection of, “Wouldn’t it be cool if…”

Oh well. At least we get a priest kissing a man on the mouth.

-PTD

Take a look at this comic from Nothing Nice to Say:

As you can see, there is no underestimating the power of rock. For example, Song 2 by Blur:

This video shows a group of men who rock so hard they blow themselves away. At the end, their faces are intact, but they are knocked down. Do they get up again? Can you ever keep them down?

The video starts calmly enough.

As Dorothy Parker said, “Either this wallpaper goes or I kill Oscar Wilde.”

Then things start to happen. Woo…

Hoo.

The band is rocking out as hard as they can. Not the whole band, though. The bass player tries so hard to be cool that he almost is.

“Like, I don’t even care, man. Like, you know? Whatever.”

The band uses some pointlessly strange lighting.

It’s like there’s a ghost story in his eye.

The band starts getting knocked back by the rock. The cool is knocked right out of the bass player as he hits the wall.

The singer tries to jump over the rock, but is still knocked back.

The drummer gets knocked right off his throne.

The verse comes back around and the bass player tries to go back to being cool.

It’s not working, dude. We know who you really are. We saw you eating ice cream.

That ice cream eating motherfucker gives up on the cool and starts to rock out. Smoke starts coming from somewhere, it’s not clear where.

It gets extremely windy in there, Mabbus.

One time my cat, Mabbus, was sitting in a window. There was a gust of wind and he got frightened. I realized that he does not like the wind. Now if he is sitting somewhere he shouldn’t be I blow on him and say, “It’s windy in here, Mabbus.” All of my comments related to wind are forever directed at that cat.

It’s also smoky in there, Mabbus.

The guitars are literally blown out of their hands and the singer is knocked over.

There’s just too much rock. I love that they are playing the rock, but are also effected by it as if it is an outside force. The video lasts two minutes and is a delightful little blast.

Join me tomorrow when we return to the world of normal wall coverings.

-PTD