Men - love them or hate them, you probably hate them. Can you hear it now? Hundreds of “Men’s Rights Activists” are emailing me to tell me I’m being sexist. Of course, it is impossible to be sexist against men (LOOK IT UP), but that’s not going to stop them. Just consult the chart.

By the way, if you know who created this chart, please let me know so I can give them credit.

Anyway, the opposite of “Men’s Rights” is sisterhood. And what better way to show your sisterhood than to start a band with your sisters?

The members of Haim did just that as the instrumentalists backing Glenn Danzig in the band Samhain. When Danzig decided to leave the band, they changed their name to Haim, since they are Samhain sans Danzig (LOOK IT UP).

Enough history lessons, let’s take a look at a video. The Wire by Haim:

The video starts simply enough, with a man and a woman. The woman, one of the Haims, sits at a table, waiting for a man.

She is exquisitely bored.

While she’s singing, the women at the table behind her suddenly joins in, just like in a musical.

I love touches like this so much. I mean, she’s sitting at a table singing. Why wouldn’t someone around provide a little back-up?

Unfortunately, since they are singing about a man, this video fails to pass the Bechdel test, but sometimes it’s hard to bring down a (the?) man without speaking truth to power, or speaking about a man, or even speaking to a man.

Which man? This doof.

What a doof.

He has a wedding ring.

This can’t end well.

The man and the women are finally together.

I love how he reaches to touch her hand warmly while she uses the hand to scroll on a phone she is clearly looking at instead of paying attention to the man.

She immediately breaks up with him, even before he can reveal the ring. Turns out boring your partner is not the key to romantic success.

And the weeping begins.

Next, we see another Haim approach a bar where a smiling bartender approaches expectantly.

He is sharply rebuffed.

Confused, he checks his phone.

The peace sign here really does it for me.

And the weeping continues.

Next, we see the third Haim strolling happily with a hunk.

They are accosted by a tiny man who thought that he was still in a relationship with the woman, just because she never explicitly broke up with him.

Both the Haim and the hunk make perfect “You’ve gotta be kidding me!” faces.

The tiny man refuses to understand.

Suspecting that he might not comprehend language, she resorts to pantomime.

“I hug hunk now, not you.”

Henry Thoreau once said

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

He was talking about this man.

Broken, the men reach out to each other.

To try and keep themselves together, the men use anger to mask their true feelings.

It doesn’t work.

Eventually, all three men are on the phone weeping openly. Possibly even blubbering.

What about the Haims? They are just rockin’ out.

While they play, the men weep and reminisce about the good times. One finds an old birthday card.

The message brings him hope!

I really love the double underline and exclamation point. As a positive birthday wish it’s more menacing than anything else.

The men rush to the show to triumphantly reunite with their respective Haims.

The response?

Nah.

Turns out ignoring your partner when she tells you that she doesn’t want to see you anymore is also not the key to romantic success.

Time to get weeping.

Join me next week when we talk about doing the deed.

-PTD